Personal Posts

Why I’ve Been Gone


Yay I’m back!! I have really missed writing but I needed to take a break for a while for a very personal reason. This reason being I have anger issues. Yes, I have anger issues. When I first started this blog one year ago and 21 days, I wanted to inspire people from what I learned from studying the Bible and also keep my personal walk with God accountable by sharing with you what I have learned and what some of my struggles are. But for the past three months I did not feel that I was suitable to write since my anger was getting out of hand.

As some of you know I do have insecurities with body which are mainly my own doing because I’m not consistent in working out and eating the right way. So because of this, I have been frustrated with myself and keeping in anger towards myself. This is what most of my anger is from however, I have noticed over the past few months that sometimes I’m angry for no apparent reason. I could be having the time of my life one moment and then next feel completely moody. This anger that I feel has not only hurt God and the people around me but also myself. I cried out to God asking Him why I feel this way and to release me from this sin but I heard nothing from Him. Eventually my mom and I had a long talk about my anger and the root of the problem. And after reading Winning Your Personal Battles  by Pastor Steve Carr I learned what God says about the anger I have.

In Pastor Steve Carr’s book, he has a special chapter dedicated to overcoming anger. To summarize, it is okay for me to be angry but it is how I handle my anger and what I’m angry about that matters. In Ephesians 4:26 it states, “Be angry, and do not sin.” This scripture is a in reference to an Old Testament command from Psalm 4:4. The scripture means be angry at your sin so that you will refrain from continuous sin. Carr states, “Anger is absolutely essential for the removal of any sinful behavior or practice” (120). So I have been learning to channel my anger towards my sin without beating myself up about it till there is nothing left of me, because I will beat myself up about it time and time again.

I also learned that my anger can be destructive as well. I get angry when someone doesn’t do something that I wanted them to do or when things don’t go my way. And in the past I started to suppress my anger however, I did’t know how to let out my anger or communicate my anger with the people around me. Eventually I would get to a point where I would explode with anger over the smallest most stupidest thing ever. I learned that explosive anger and suppressing my anger were not healthy for my mind set and my walk with God at all. Instead of suppressing my anger, I learned to communicate how I felt. Growing up my mom taught me to always communicate how I felt or what I was thinking but something about communicating my struggles made me feel very vulnerable and in turn I shut out the people who loved me the most including God.

During these past few months I continued to serve as a worship leader. Serving others helped keep me be humble and vulnerable with the Lord as I worked my issues out with Him. Serving in the worship ministry meant I had to work with different personalities including my sister and mom and the Lord knows the three of us can clash at times. But serving overall kept me grounded and I learned to lean on God during my times of struggle. I have gotten better with communicating to my family and boyfriend to keep their distance when I feel angry. They have been there through all my ugly episodes and have continued to pray with me and encourage me in God’s word. Learning to communicate my feelings has helped me so much.

It is a choice to allow my anger to effect me negatively. But I have learned to turn that anger towards my sin in hopes of being angry at the sin I commit rather than allow it to take hold of me making me into a person who allows her flesh to take over.

Writing this is very personal to me but I hope by reading this you realize that even though I am a Christian blogger, I am still imperfect and sinful like anyone else. I strive for perfection but fall short at the glory of God. Yet He is still there to pick me up and guide me. Throughout these few months, I have experienced God’s unconditional love for me and you. We are awful sinners in need of a Savior and yet, God still loved us enough to send His only Son down to earth to die on the cross for every awful sin we commit. And to think that the moment Jesus was born He knew that one day He would die for all of us and He never complained or tried to delay the process. He was just obedient and busy about His father’s business.

So, as I come to the end of this post, I have been in the process of finally getting a blogging space of my own. My 20th birthday is next week and my wonderful parents have decided to bless me by helping me make a blogging space in my bedroom. I am very excited to have a creative space to call my own and thanks to God and my parents, it is finally happening. I have also decided that I am going to put out a blog post 1 to 2 times a month that way I have a better structure going and I will be posting on my Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, and Pinterest more frequently. I also hope to do a few experimental posts such as interviews as well as lookbooks (fashion entries) and see how that goes. I have a lot of big dreams for this blog and whether I reach a lot of people or none at all, I am going to keep doing what the Lord has shown no matter what.

If you have anger issues like me or any struggles at all, feel free to contact me on my social media platforms, comment on this post, or email me. I’m here and above all God is there for you. Thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long post and thank you to the people who have stuck around while I’ve been gone from writing. I love you guys! ❤

 

4 thoughts on “Why I’ve Been Gone

  1. You are a beautiful God Fearing Woman. Keep looking to him for your strength & guidance. I Love You and will be Praying constantly for you 🙏🙏🙏

    Like

  2. Wonderfully written, thank you for sharing this personal struggle and for being so honest and transparent. It takes a lot of courage to write about something like this. You’re in our prayers! 🙏👍

    Reading this reminds me of lyrics from a worship song:

    “…why should I gain from His reward, I cannot give an answer.”

    Hits me everytime.

    Like

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